I saw my rock cry out today. My husband who is the strongest person I know….who has lost his mother….the person who taught him how to care for his diabetes….who was SO close to him. Don’t get me wrong, he grieved for her, but he handled it like a warrior….I guess I didn’t really realize how strong he was until I lost my own mother….and then when my dad started dating….and I had to put my dad’s needs and happiness before my own feelings….because it IS the right thing to do…I want my dad to be happy….but it hurt SO bad to see him with someone else….it made me realize how hard it must have been for Tommy as his dad moved on very quickly after Mavis died…..much more quickly than my dad has. I have learned that men handle the loss of a spouse differently than women….they are much more likely to move on….to remarry….to get rid of their spouse’s belongs sooner….sell the house…things that have been really hard for me…I do think that it is time to do these things…to move on….it is a healthy thing.
Anyway…I heard my warrior say….”It’s just one test after another,” as tears rolled down his face…..God how I love this man!! He is my strength…my soul! I honestly don’t think I could breathe without him. I get scared sometimes as I know God warns us about loving ANYTHING or ANYONE more than HIM and sometimes I think my love for Tommy competes with my love for my savior. I know that Tommy was a gift in my life directly from GOD. Anyone who knows me or who I was before Tommy…..knows that to be true….that God truly did work things together so that we would be together….I remember thinking when people would say things like that….that they were CRAZY….why would GOD intervene in YOUR life….personally….but he does….I do believe he intervenes in all of our lives…not just mine….or certain people…but ALL of us….some of us just don’t give him the credit or pay attention.
God wants us to bear fruit….to run the race…Satan tries to hinder us….he can’t take us out of the race…but he tries to encumber us….with all sorts of things….that keep us off track….that take our eyes off the goal…the enemy wants us to look back at the past….at the sins we have committed….at our mistakes….at our failures…he wants us to think that God can’t use us anymore….we have to lay aside these encumbrances so that we can run the race….also lay aside all the sin….the sin of unbelief….”I will never be used by God”….”I will never be able to”…..”I can’t forgive”….”I can’t let go of”…..anything that keeps us from reaching the goal that God has for us. God wants us to walk by faith….trusting him….think about it…..Rehab was a harlot but she ended up in the hall of faith….think of all the little guys that God used in a mighty way….Daniel, Gideon….David…..”Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and sin”……if I don’t believe that God has forgiven me…I won’t run with HIS POWER….I won’t have the confidence I need…knowing that I have HIM in me….I need to keep my eyes on JESUS…..and who is he…he is the author of my faith……look beyond the suffering to the joy with the eternal father…..Jesus endured hostility of sinners against himself…..he made it …..We can make it. How does God speak to me….I love that song….not sure what the name is..”What if it’s HIM?” He can use anything he wants to use…..but his purpose is clear….Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I need to realize that my heavenly father knows what is best for me….he is training me to be more like him….
Many of us are hurting….some of the stories I hear are so horrific…the only way to be healed….is to let go of expectations for our life here on earth….lose our life here so we can gain life eternal…..
Romans 3….even Christ did not please himself….Christ picked up his cross….
I need to ask myself what qualities in Christ that could be formed in me through this trial
How do I identify with Christ…how does this pain that I am experiencing fill up the suffering of Jesus Christ…Col the suffering of Christ is not over just because he is gone….when someone rejects you…or runs away from you…..does God have people that he has reached out to and they have rejected him or ran away from him….he understands that hurt
Ask God to show me his comfort in this situation…so that I may take his comfort and minister to others. Only comes through experiencing pain.
So here goes….help me Lord….to understand….and even though sometimes we do not understand….to trust you….to know that you understand…that you see the big picture and know how we are feeling.....we feel like we have said good bye to so many that we love Lord….to Mavis, to Mikey, to Murphy…..please bring our little Hershey back to us Lord…..we love that little girl….if it is not possible Lord…please keep her safe and comfort our hearts….help us to grow closer to you throughout this trial and to support and encourage each other and to know that there is NOTHING that we are going through that YOU have not experienced….that YOU do not understand…..and that YOU love us….and are ALWAYS HERE for us. Thank you for your mercy and your love and thank you for my compassionate partner….and I ask that you mend his heart as he loves this little girl and was just starting to mend from losing his best buddy Murphy. I also want to thank you for the lesson from Kay Arthur from which I got many of the material in this blog….I believe you send us messages just when we need them for encouragement and strength and I thank you putting me in the path of these words today and to speaking to me through them.
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