We have known and believed that God loves us. God is love. Those who live in God's love live in God, and God lives in them. God's love has reached its goal in us. So we look ahead with confidence to the day of judgment. While we are in this world, we are exactly like him with regard to love. No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn't have perfect love. We love because God loved us first. 1 John 4:16-19
I have really been struggling lately with acceptance. I am so angry about an unfair situation....a loss....it is really nothing when compared to what many have gone through.....no one close to me died.....it is a job....a betrayal.....someone lied to me.....went behind my back.....who among us has not had this happen?
I'll bet we all can say we have experienced it.....It is hard....hard to understand....I want to go to this person and ask WHY??? What did I do to you? I want to ask them if they understand how much they hurt me?
But the bottom line is....they don't care....they have made their mind up about me without taking the time to talk to me....without making the effort to get to know me.....as my mother would tell me if she were here.....it is there loss. I would hear this from her but I never really believed it, but you know....it is true. If someone is the kind of person who pretends to be your friend and then goes behind your back and says bad things and starts a campaign to get rid of you....to boot you from a place that you love.....a place where you have been doing a good job for four years.....without concern for the kids that you work with.....then what kind of person is she?
She is not the kind of person you want to be around anyway.....it breaks my heart......these kids have shared their lives with me.....it is a gift.....and I don't want any of my anger and bitterness to affect them....I don't want it to affect me....I want it gone....this woman is not worth it.....vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.....I know I did a good job there....I didn't get a chance to defend myself.....because I was encouraged not to....it's so unfair Lord....but life is NOT fair....look at what you went through when you were here on this earth.....you experienced the most horrible torment and cruel death and if that wasn't enough.....our heavenly father turned his back on you....he could not look at you because of my sin.....and you were willing to do that for me....you never sinned....it wasn't your stain...it was mine....and even though you went through all of that....you don't resent me for it...you have no bitterness....in fact it is the opposite....you LOVE me.....with a love that is indescribable.....that is what you want me to do....love this woman.....
I am not capable of that Lord....you will have to fill my heart with your spirit and love her for me....because my sinful ways wants revenge and an apology....she will never apologize...she will never admit she had anything to do with it.....help me Lord...help me to focus on the bigger picture.....the bigger plan.....and know that YOU are in control and that NOTHING happens without your knowledge and consent and show me this woman through your eyes....maybe she is scared....maybe she is insecure....maybe I remind her of someone who abused her....I don't know....but it is NOT about me....I know this because she doesn't know me well enough for it to be personal.....and this other lady that is taking my place....well that is just business....it's cut throat....it's about money....she wants the clients...she wants to make more money....so that is not personal....I have to learn to watch my back and not be so trusting.....it's competitive. And the third lady who lied to me....well...how can I not feel sorry for her....after all she has been through....I just know that what she says cannot be trusted....but I forgive you all....just as my father in heaven forgives me when I sin for we are all sinners....
there is not one righteous...no, not one.....and now I move to the last stage of grief.....acceptance....with your help Abba father.....no more bitterness.....Amen.
