Have you ever had God tell you to do something and you were scared….scared that you couldn’t do it….scared that it would take everything you had to do it….scared that it would change your life so drastically that you may be sorry you did it…..faith….I think I lack it sometimes…..there are times when I am SOOO sure that this is God’s will but then I let the fear in….fear is such an ugly thing….it robs us of every joy…..I watched it rob my mom of life….the things that she wanted to do but was afraid to try…..I held her hand as she walked ankle deep in the ocean and she shook from fear…..I watched her walk back and forth in front of the window during a storm due to fear…..I was determined not to live in fear….but after she died it was as if my fear grew….as if the world were more vulnerable because she was not here….she was always so fearful….I didn’t have to be….I don’t know if that makes sense….it was like she was my safety net….worrying for me…..crazy isn’t it?
We have our home visit this morning and I admit…I am afraid…..I don’t know if I am ready for this…..I am determined to move forward….despite the problems with my job…..through the fear…..God is in control! He knows the future and he has a plan and he has made it clear time and time again that he wants us to have a child in our home….if this is not the way….he will make that clear…..meanwhile…keep moving forward…..
Keep me focused on you Lord and remind me that I have the power that raised your son from the dead living inside of me……there is no reason to fear….:)
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