It has been so long since I have posted anything I know….but to be honest with you…I have been afraid….afraid of sounding dramatic with some of the things I have been feeling….afraid of offending someone. I had a talk with a friend of mine recently about this and they informed me that they had been a parent for over 20 years and they were not at all offended by any of the things I was sharing with them….that they in fact could connect with what I was saying….but I guess I have always felt like parenthood was this exclusive club…that I am forever excluded… it is something that Satan uses against me….everyday…to be honest….to beat me down and reinforce every insecurity that I have ever had. It is so hard for me to understand sometimes why God would not allow me to have a child of my own when He knows how I have always been the one on the outside looking in….I have always had difficulties building close friendships with women….and when you are not a mother….well…being a mother is the universal role of females…it is the purpose God gave to females….it doesn’t matter how good you are at your job….how many kids you talk to per day….or clients you see….or money you bring in….the bottom line is…you are not a mother….and I guess I always resented that. I think this is why God brought me to this place….HE wanted me to see what all the hoopla was about.
But before I start talking about this….I want to make it clear to ALL the parents out there….that I do NOT in any way shape or form compare my experience with yours….I am NOT so arrogant to think that having this beautiful young man in my home compares with having a child of my own. I have been given this privilege by God himself and by his wonderful parents, Claudia and Onofre Mendes and of course by AFS….for which I am eternally grateful. I cannot imagine how much God is going to teach me as I have already learned an enormous amount…about myself, about my marriage and life in general…and yes about what parents must go through. You see…I have a job where I teach parents how to deal with their kids….I am the kid’s therapist…they bring the kid to me when the kid is having difficulties….and I am really good at getting the kid to talk to me….because….I am NOT the parent….I am someone that is on their side….and I advocate for the kid to the parent….I try to help the parent see the kid’s point of view…..and I thought I understood the parent’s side of things….but I am just beginning to understand that I knew NOTHING….the intensity of emotions I have had in these few short days….has been unbelievable to me….and this for a young man I really have only begun to get to know….what if he were really my son….I truly do not know how parents do this….I get so excited for him when he is learning and experiencing something new….when he is getting ready to go into a soccer game….you would think it was me getting ready to enter…I am so psyched! I want to capture every event….so that his parents in Brazil will not miss a moment….I can’t imagine how very much they miss him….but how very proud they must be of this young man. He is SO independent and smart as a whip….he makes a decision and he takes responsibility but he listens to advice given…I really haven’t heard him complain….when asked he will tell you what he thinks…but complain…no. He’s a really positive person with a great attitude!
There have been a couple of occasions where Satan has convinced me that I cannot do this or that this kid doesn’t like being here and of course that old enemy ‘fear’ creeps in when I think about all the bad things that could happen to him….but my relationship with God is stronger and I have been trying really hard to take captive these thoughts and make them obedient to Christ….I know that I can do all things thought Christ who strengthens me…..and that if we trust in God…he will show us the right path….there have been so many great stories to tell and I will post some of them so you can come along on the journey….I have a little less time to write than I used to….ha I want to thank you all for your prayers…please do not stop praying for us and Matheus….he is adjusting to his new schedule…..he is on the soccer team and doing great….he had three games last week and on game nights…..he doesn’t get home until around 8:30 or so and he has to shower and eat and then start on homework….he then has a little relaxation time before bed….which is still probably too late as I know he is tired. He has some tough classes including honors anatomy and functions and modeling and he also has modern UN where he will be studying different world cultures…..and doing a project on his friend, Marco’s home country, Germany (the other AFS exchange student at WCHS). His coach teaches this class and he gets along really well with him. He has already made some friends on the soccer team and at church and will definitely make many more as he is a very outgoing young man. The girls especially like him….so we may definitely need some advice about how to handle this one….ha. We are getting better with a system for dinner and bedtime and working on a system for getting him to and from school as the bus ride is over an hour and 15 minutes for a 4 mile trip….he rode it home the first day and barely had time for a snack before he had to get back to school back for a soccer game. He got to see the whole county…ha. It was not a pleasant experience for him and we want to avoid that for him if at all possible.
Last night…he helped us set up our Wii and he helped Tommy cook some potato pancakes and then we watched a movie that he chose….Deadly Impact….it was really good. It was a really good day….relaxing too. Tommy and I took a nap yesterday afternoon….I had a headache…I had a tooth worked on Friday that was bothering me and Tommy wasn’t feeling well…we both were saying when we went upstairs that we felt bad….leaving the boy alone but it seemed to be good for him…he may be tired of having us around him all the time. In Brazil…he had a bigger house…and more space to get away….I am SOO glad he has been staying out in the living room with us most of the time and not retreating to his room as a lot of American teens do. His English is great and he will ask questions….especially when we use slang terms….like yesterday I asked him if it was ok if we just ‘hang’ here at the house….he said what is hang…..or ‘what is the deal’ …..We don’t realize all these phrases we have that only make sense to us and are not really proper English.
Well….I have to close for now….we are heading to a baptismal service at Collettesville and then a cookout…with our church. Should be really cool.
Have a super day!
Thao (Chow)
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