Working out the kinks

Last night Tommy was talking to Matheus about getting to school on time and he got the tone he uses when he is angry. He has been pretty frustrated lately as he has been the one who has gotten Matheus to practices and where he needs to be and has had to stay on him about getting there on time. The thing that really concerns me is that we later discovered that Tommy’s blood sugar was low and I didn’t even notice it. I think that there have been so many things going on that I am not as in tune with it as I usually am…. I think this is why Tommy was a little rough with Matheus.....it is one of Tommy's pet peeves.....being late....and now he is living with two people who have difficulty with this.....poor guy. :(

My husband is so awesome....I talked with him before we even knew his blood sugar was low as I felt he had been a little rough with Matheus....I explained to Tommy when we were in the kitchen before heading up to bed that I understood both sides of the situation….you see they are so inconsistent at the school….I understand both Tommy’s point…Matheus needs to establish a pattern of behavior of getting to school on time and a reputation for being punctual and dependable…..and believe me….I know….there are negative consequences for not having this….but as I told my husband when Matheus when to bed….I would have been in ISS every day if they had had these strict rules when I was a kid….and the rules are not consistent. Yesterday, we dropped him off….after he rushed and rushed and then he told us he ended up waiting in the cafeteria before even going to homeroom. Now who of us cannot imagine this scene….here you are…the new student….from a different country no less….walking into a brand new school and knowing no one…..and having to hang out in the lunchroom with 1000+ students….I would be trying to avoid it too….of course…I was not nearly as outgoing or as cute as Matheus….and I know in my heart as soon as he makes a few connections….he will be fine….but for now…we should just let it be….if he’s late…we can work on it…if the school is not even enforcing the rule yet….then why are we getting all bent out of shape and adding more stress to this kid who is already stressed beyond measure…..he seemed like he had a good day except for a couple of obstacles….he didn’t really like his first period class because there were only four people in it but he has already worked out a plan to change to a different class. He took a great deal of responsibility in finding out about this class and talking to the teacher and what he had to do to switch. He didn’t really like his PE class either as he stated they didn’t do anything in that class but he states that there were six people absent and the teacher was busy doing something else, so he is going to give it another try. He states there are 12 people in his anatomy class and that she required them to have 10 dividers. He had a little homework in her class….something about being familiar with body systems….he completed that after he showered and ate dinner….about 10 pm….and he states that his math class is his favorite. I guess the biggest obstacle was the bus ride home….he didn’t get home until 4:30 pm….he rode the bus for 1 hour and 15 minutes which is ridiculous given we only live about 15 minutes…less than that really from the school. He barely had time to eat a snack before heading back to the school for the game. And on top of that….the bus has a different driver in the morning so he still doesn’t know what time it comes in the morning….if it does the reverse thing where they pick him up first…as he was the last one off the bus….then he would have the same kind of ride in the morning and would have to get up pretty early….we told him we would take him this week and then would see if we could talk to Spencer this weekend about giving him a ride to school. He seemed cool with that.

Anyway…after talking with Tommy…he said he felt bad about being so tough on him…he asked if I thought he should talk to him….I told him it was up to him…he said what do I say….I said start with I’m sorry…he said…and I just back down….and I said no…just explain to him what you are trying to do and why it is important…for him….and he asked if was going to just listen so I went upstairs…..well…he came up and said that he went in and talked and Matheus said….’ok’….but that he could tell he had been crying. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart…I just could not handle the thought of that boy laying in that room crying….whoa….I immediately wanted to come down here and just hold him….but of course…he is 16 years old….I did come down and tell him if he needed to talk….I am here….as he stated that ‘everything is good’…that is his “Johnny statement” whenever we ask him if everything is ok…..I know that everything is not ok….I know that he is hurting….missing home, missing family….missing familiar things…..I cannot even imagine how hard this is…..I want him to know I am there for him…..that Tommy is there for him….that we care about him and that he does NOT have to do this alone…..that the only support he has is not across the ocean…..he is the most precious kid….he is trying so hard to be strong and tough but I see that he is hurting and it breaks my heart….and I want to take that pain away….and this is a young man whom I have had the privilege of knowing for 11 days…..what if I had watched him grow from an infant….how much more intense would the feelings be then….to be honest….I am not sure I could handle it….I truly do NOT know how parents do this.

Thank you Jesus for this experience….for allowing me the opportunity to have just a taste of what it feels like to watch a child learn and grow….on a day to day basis….I thank you for Matheus and for his family and their willingness to allow him to come here….I pray for their pain also as they must miss him terribly. I so wish I could communicate with them without a language barrier as I would pick up the phone today and call Claudia…and ask her…what can to do to make things better for him. He had a conversation with her last night on the phone and his whole tone was different…of course I do not know the content but usually the tone is vibrant and alive but last night it was more dull and subdued. When he got off the phone…I asked him if everything was ok…as I noted this difference and he said of course…that it was….he said he told her a little about his day…but he had little time….I mean this schedule he is on….it’s crazy…..he gets up and goes to school and then he has soccer and then home to eat dinner and then homework and by then it is 10:30 or 11 PM…time for bed….this is what we do to kids in America….and they are expected to play a couple of sports per year and make the honor roll to get into a good college….and let’s don’t forget extracirrular activities and these crazy tests they have to pass….not only pass…excel at….it seems a bit much sometimes.

Anyway…I am a little distractible this morning….I have to go and eat with my boys….gotta get him to school on time….won’t be long…I’ll be heading back to school myself.