Finding God's Voice

I just got back in from church today and it was an awesome service….I feel on fire for God….the way I used to feel….man do I miss this feeling! You know something….sometimes I can be pretty thick in the head….being on fire for God….it didn’t have anything to do with Pastor Hugh….and yes, I still call him that….because….well that is another whole blog…..but it had to do with GOD’s presence! God is ALIVE & BREATHING at this church in a way that I haven’t felt in a LONG time. Please don’t get me wrong….I LOVE FCBC….and I have allowed Satan to place some obstacles in my way that have kept me from enjoying church for a while….including the whole issue that happened with Hugh…..some hurtful words and misunderstandings….and parting of ways.....guilt about leaving people I love at FC….feeling like I am abandoning a new, young preacher…but you know what….that is the past…time to move forward…to let go….I will do my best to continue to connect with the folks at Flemings and those that chose to continue to be in my life….will do so….those that don’t…well….I will see them in heaven….they are my brothers and sisters in Christ and we are ALL part of the same body…..maybe they are where they are supposed to be….but it has been obvious for some time now that we were not supposed to stay there….I can’t explain it….but I do know that my hubby led the way and I praise God for his courage and strength as it has led us to a place where we can reconnect with God. So many times I feel that God speaks to me and I can’t verbalize it….I work with people that don’t believe in God and when I try to explain to them how I KNOW He exists because I have experienced him….they just look at me….like I am CRAZY!....ha. So I want to try to do more writing about these experiences so that I can be more specific in my explanations.

God has been teaching me so many things as I have been trying to let go of material possessions these last few weeks. I know many of you may easily toss old things without a second thought, but for me it is not that easy. I have been psychologically programmed …..I think….to attach memories and meaning to things. My mom….who passed away a year ago in April….attached a GREAT deal of value to things and she kept EVERYTHING. Many of the things that she had kept….I brought to my house to safeguard as my dad took things and gave them away shortly after her death. She was into genealogy for many years and she had a whole bookcase of books, papers and then many boxes on top of this in her basement full of her rough work and copies of maps and other records that she had collected in her work. I had told my dad that I wanted all of this but had nowhere to put it. A few weeks later, he casually mentioned it to me on the phone, that he had donated it the genealogy department at the Wilkes County Library…..my heart sunk But I kept it together and did not attack him or burst into tears…..and I later realized that it was a blessing as #1…I have NOWHERE to put this stuff and #2….I don’t even know what the majority of it means….I went to the library where it was stored and spoke to someone which made me feel more secure about where it was and they were very nice. These are folks that can use the material and maybe someone can benefit from all her hard work rather than it sitting in our attic collecting dust. This is just one lesson I have learned….and I am doing much better as we have had to let go of MANY things to make room for this real life person coming into our lives….I am SOO excited…he is coming in 13 days….we still have a lot of work to do. Yesterday, we worked upstairs and I started pulling things out of the attic….it just seems like every time I think I am nearing the end….I find a whole other layer of STUFF….well….today God encouraged me….

He communicated with me about three things that have been weighing on my mind during today’s service.

The first one was primarily before church as I heard a devotion on the radio…about giving….from your heart….and not expecting anything in return…..I was laying there in bed thinking about how difficult this is….in its true sense. My mom was a giving person…..but she expected in return….as we ALL do….we expect gratitude….and appreciation….we expect people to be kind to us and remember us if we are giving to them….so how is this different from expecting a gift in return. I think it is just human nature to begin to resent it…..if we give and give and never get anything back….that is not the way God is….He continues to give….over and over….in a never-ending fashion….and he expects us to do so…in His spirit….we really can’t do it any other way. I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I have been feeling very burned out regarding my clients…..this has all been related to a book I have been reading called Changes that Heal….by Henry Cloud….he is a psychologist but also a minister….and he really has a cool way of combining God’s word with psychological concepts such as boundaries….which is what I am reading about currently in the book. I have always known that this is a weak spot for me, but in reading this book…..I realize that God wants me to have solid, healthy boundaries with others….He has them….he has clear definitions of who he is and what he will do and not do…what he will tolerate and will not tolerate from others…..and he enforces these boundaries in a loving manner with his children. I need to incorporate his example into my life.

Anyway…I am thinking about all this….when the clock goes off ….yeah men…us women….our brain NEVER stops…ha.

Then backing this up….first thing today….at church today….Joe is talking about how tired everyone is after VBS and he quotes the verse…”Let us not grow weary in doing good.” I just think that God is trying to encourage me that I am on the right path.

Secondly….I feel he is trying to encourage me with this journey of letting go of stuff….and the whole idea of focusing on the eternal….if you have been reading my blog….you know that I was listening to Kay Arthur on Friday and she talked about going through trials and how Jesus persevered by focusing on the eternal…taking up his cross and denying himself….well Joe talked about that today too….the title of his message was Temporary vs. Eternal…..
He pointed out about Abraham and how by today’s standards….he would have likely been a billionaire….but he chose to live in a tent…..as a pilgrim going from town to town…..keeping his eyes on an unseen city….he understood what was temporary and what was eternal….he shared a time when he was a young boy and going through a difficult time…and God sent him a message through a song on the radio…by The Five Stairsteps….He is God…he can speak through anything or anyone….Nothing is impossible for Him…..this song helped a discouraged little boy realize that his circumstances were just temporary. I used to have this friend that would say…”This too shall pass.” I always liked this saying because it is true….everything passes on this earth….all the things that we spend our time worrying about or consumed with….are just temporary.
God has a plan…..listen to HIM…..stop worrying about the past….you were not perfect…you cannot go back and make it perfect…..not with your mother…not with your friends…..it doesn’t make you a failure…that is a lie from Satan….one of those encumbrances that distract us from the goal. Joe pointed out Jesus’ words in Matthew where he reminded us that what we say and do here on earth has eternal consequences and value…..we need to remember that every word we say to someone….every time God puts in my head to call someone or put a card in the mail and I fail to do it…what could that have meant to that person…..that is more important than scanning pictures or playing a game on FB….that is eternal….all the rest is just temporary…..relationships are eternal…..friendships….I need to make some changes and with God’s help….it is possible. It begins by focusing on the present...not the past....that is how Satan trips me up...by keeping me focused on the past....what can I do that is of eternal value NOW!

And the third thing I have been struggling with…..of course….is my mother’s death. I continue to see my mother…flashbacks so to speak…..of her dying….her physical condition shortly before her death as she was having a lot of difficulty breathing. Her nose was all backed up and we had to get one of those things that help suck the mucus out….like they use for infants…..she was unconscious….but still seemed to be in pain as she moaned frequently…..it was a pretty bad experience….but I praise God that I had my husband and my dad there with me. Our neighbor, Mable, was there also…who is the sweetest lady…this side of heaven. She was always there for my mom and basically for anyone who needs her….there is a lady who will have many crowns to lay at our Lord’s feet. Anyway these images are quite disturbing as you can imagine….and I usually combat them with prayer and tears…..which minimizes the length of their visit. They only come during times when I am thinking about my mom so if I stay busy with other things….I can avoid them, but being a psychologist….I know repressing feelings is not good and I want God to help me work through my feelings rather than avoid them. Well…today during the service…Dawn and Jennifer sang Mighty to Save…..and there is a verse in this song about conquering the grave…..and then they sang another song…not sure of the name of it…but it also talked about this…and then during the message….Joe was talking about things that are eternal…..and one of them is the human soul….that we are forever somewhere…..we never cease to exist…..this gave me such a feeling of peace…..my mom is in heaven…I know this intellectually but to feel it....with my heart…..please pray for me to hold on to this realization….that I believe came straight from God….through his angels at Grace Place.

Thank you God for your encouragement today....for allowing me to experience your presence.....help me Lord to focus on YOU and YOUR eternal goals for me instead of getting caught up in all these temporary things of this earth. I pray that this relationship that we are beginning will be one of eternal value.