Sunday, August 29, 2010

Parenthood---The abbreviated version

It has been so long since I have posted anything I know….but to be honest with you…I have been afraid….afraid of sounding dramatic with some of the things I have been feeling….afraid of offending someone. I had a talk with a friend of mine recently about this and they informed me that they had been a parent for over 20 years and they were not at all offended by any of the things I was sharing with them….that they in fact could connect with what I was saying….but I guess I have always felt like parenthood was this exclusive club…that I am forever excluded… it is something that Satan uses against me….everyday…to be honest….to beat me down and reinforce every insecurity that I have ever had. It is so hard for me to understand sometimes why God would not allow me to have a child of my own when He knows how I have always been the one on the outside looking in….I have always had difficulties building close friendships with women….and when you are not a mother….well…being a mother is the universal role of females…it is the purpose God gave to females….it doesn’t matter how good you are at your job….how many kids you talk to per day….or clients you see….or money you bring in….the bottom line is…you are not a mother….and I guess I always resented that. I think this is why God brought me to this place….HE wanted me to see what all the hoopla was about.

But before I start talking about this….I want to make it clear to ALL the parents out there….that I do NOT in any way shape or form compare my experience with yours….I am NOT so arrogant to think that having this beautiful young man in my home compares with having a child of my own. I have been given this privilege by God himself and by his wonderful parents, Claudia and Onofre Mendes and of course by AFS….for which I am eternally grateful. I cannot imagine how much God is going to teach me as I have already learned an enormous amount…about myself, about my marriage and life in general…and yes about what parents must go through. You see…I have a job where I teach parents how to deal with their kids….I am the kid’s therapist…they bring the kid to me when the kid is having difficulties….and I am really good at getting the kid to talk to me….because….I am NOT the parent….I am someone that is on their side….and I advocate for the kid to the parent….I try to help the parent see the kid’s point of view…..and I thought I understood the parent’s side of things….but I am just beginning to understand that I knew NOTHING….the intensity of emotions I have had in these few short days….has been unbelievable to me….and this for a young man I really have only begun to get to know….what if he were really my son….I truly do not know how parents do this….I get so excited for him when he is learning and experiencing something new….when he is getting ready to go into a soccer game….you would think it was me getting ready to enter…I am so psyched! I want to capture every event….so that his parents in Brazil will not miss a moment….I can’t imagine how very much they miss him….but how very proud they must be of this young man. He is SO independent and smart as a whip….he makes a decision and he takes responsibility but he listens to advice given…I really haven’t heard him complain….when asked he will tell you what he thinks…but complain…no. He’s a really positive person with a great attitude!

There have been a couple of occasions where Satan has convinced me that I cannot do this or that this kid doesn’t like being here and of course that old enemy ‘fear’ creeps in when I think about all the bad things that could happen to him….but my relationship with God is stronger and I have been trying really hard to take captive these thoughts and make them obedient to Christ….I know that I can do all things thought Christ who strengthens me…..and that if we trust in God…he will show us the right path….there have been so many great stories to tell and I will post some of them so you can come along on the journey….I have a little less time to write than I used to….ha I want to thank you all for your prayers…please do not stop praying for us and Matheus….he is adjusting to his new schedule…..he is on the soccer team and doing great….he had three games last week and on game nights…..he doesn’t get home until around 8:30 or so and he has to shower and eat and then start on homework….he then has a little relaxation time before bed….which is still probably too late as I know he is tired. He has some tough classes including honors anatomy and functions and modeling and he also has modern UN where he will be studying different world cultures…..and doing a project on his friend, Marco’s home country, Germany (the other AFS exchange student at WCHS). His coach teaches this class and he gets along really well with him. He has already made some friends on the soccer team and at church and will definitely make many more as he is a very outgoing young man. The girls especially like him….so we may definitely need some advice about how to handle this one….ha. We are getting better with a system for dinner and bedtime and working on a system for getting him to and from school as the bus ride is over an hour and 15 minutes for a 4 mile trip….he rode it home the first day and barely had time for a snack before he had to get back to school back for a soccer game. He got to see the whole county…ha. It was not a pleasant experience for him and we want to avoid that for him if at all possible.

Last night…he helped us set up our Wii and he helped Tommy cook some potato pancakes and then we watched a movie that he chose….Deadly Impact….it was really good. It was a really good day….relaxing too. Tommy and I took a nap yesterday afternoon….I had a headache…I had a tooth worked on Friday that was bothering me and Tommy wasn’t feeling well…we both were saying when we went upstairs that we felt bad….leaving the boy alone but it seemed to be good for him…he may be tired of having us around him all the time. In Brazil…he had a bigger house…and more space to get away….I am SOO glad he has been staying out in the living room with us most of the time and not retreating to his room as a lot of American teens do. His English is great and he will ask questions….especially when we use slang terms….like yesterday I asked him if it was ok if we just ‘hang’ here at the house….he said what is hang…..or ‘what is the deal’ …..We don’t realize all these phrases we have that only make sense to us and are not really proper English.

Well….I have to close for now….we are heading to a baptismal service at Collettesville and then a cookout…with our church. Should be really cool.

Have a super day!

Thao (Chow)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Working out the kinks

Last night Tommy was talking to Matheus about getting to school on time and he got the tone he uses when he is angry. He has been pretty frustrated lately as he has been the one who has gotten Matheus to practices and where he needs to be and has had to stay on him about getting there on time. The thing that really concerns me is that we later discovered that Tommy’s blood sugar was low and I didn’t even notice it. I think that there have been so many things going on that I am not as in tune with it as I usually am…. I think this is why Tommy was a little rough with Matheus.....it is one of Tommy's pet peeves.....being late....and now he is living with two people who have difficulty with this.....poor guy. :(

My husband is so awesome....I talked with him before we even knew his blood sugar was low as I felt he had been a little rough with Matheus....I explained to Tommy when we were in the kitchen before heading up to bed that I understood both sides of the situation….you see they are so inconsistent at the school….I understand both Tommy’s point…Matheus needs to establish a pattern of behavior of getting to school on time and a reputation for being punctual and dependable…..and believe me….I know….there are negative consequences for not having this….but as I told my husband when Matheus when to bed….I would have been in ISS every day if they had had these strict rules when I was a kid….and the rules are not consistent. Yesterday, we dropped him off….after he rushed and rushed and then he told us he ended up waiting in the cafeteria before even going to homeroom. Now who of us cannot imagine this scene….here you are…the new student….from a different country no less….walking into a brand new school and knowing no one…..and having to hang out in the lunchroom with 1000+ students….I would be trying to avoid it too….of course…I was not nearly as outgoing or as cute as Matheus….and I know in my heart as soon as he makes a few connections….he will be fine….but for now…we should just let it be….if he’s late…we can work on it…if the school is not even enforcing the rule yet….then why are we getting all bent out of shape and adding more stress to this kid who is already stressed beyond measure…..he seemed like he had a good day except for a couple of obstacles….he didn’t really like his first period class because there were only four people in it but he has already worked out a plan to change to a different class. He took a great deal of responsibility in finding out about this class and talking to the teacher and what he had to do to switch. He didn’t really like his PE class either as he stated they didn’t do anything in that class but he states that there were six people absent and the teacher was busy doing something else, so he is going to give it another try. He states there are 12 people in his anatomy class and that she required them to have 10 dividers. He had a little homework in her class….something about being familiar with body systems….he completed that after he showered and ate dinner….about 10 pm….and he states that his math class is his favorite. I guess the biggest obstacle was the bus ride home….he didn’t get home until 4:30 pm….he rode the bus for 1 hour and 15 minutes which is ridiculous given we only live about 15 minutes…less than that really from the school. He barely had time to eat a snack before heading back to the school for the game. And on top of that….the bus has a different driver in the morning so he still doesn’t know what time it comes in the morning….if it does the reverse thing where they pick him up first…as he was the last one off the bus….then he would have the same kind of ride in the morning and would have to get up pretty early….we told him we would take him this week and then would see if we could talk to Spencer this weekend about giving him a ride to school. He seemed cool with that.

Anyway…after talking with Tommy…he said he felt bad about being so tough on him…he asked if I thought he should talk to him….I told him it was up to him…he said what do I say….I said start with I’m sorry…he said…and I just back down….and I said no…just explain to him what you are trying to do and why it is important…for him….and he asked if was going to just listen so I went upstairs…..well…he came up and said that he went in and talked and Matheus said….’ok’….but that he could tell he had been crying. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart…I just could not handle the thought of that boy laying in that room crying….whoa….I immediately wanted to come down here and just hold him….but of course…he is 16 years old….I did come down and tell him if he needed to talk….I am here….as he stated that ‘everything is good’…that is his “Johnny statement” whenever we ask him if everything is ok…..I know that everything is not ok….I know that he is hurting….missing home, missing family….missing familiar things…..I cannot even imagine how hard this is…..I want him to know I am there for him…..that Tommy is there for him….that we care about him and that he does NOT have to do this alone…..that the only support he has is not across the ocean…..he is the most precious kid….he is trying so hard to be strong and tough but I see that he is hurting and it breaks my heart….and I want to take that pain away….and this is a young man whom I have had the privilege of knowing for 11 days…..what if I had watched him grow from an infant….how much more intense would the feelings be then….to be honest….I am not sure I could handle it….I truly do NOT know how parents do this.

Thank you Jesus for this experience….for allowing me the opportunity to have just a taste of what it feels like to watch a child learn and grow….on a day to day basis….I thank you for Matheus and for his family and their willingness to allow him to come here….I pray for their pain also as they must miss him terribly. I so wish I could communicate with them without a language barrier as I would pick up the phone today and call Claudia…and ask her…what can to do to make things better for him. He had a conversation with her last night on the phone and his whole tone was different…of course I do not know the content but usually the tone is vibrant and alive but last night it was more dull and subdued. When he got off the phone…I asked him if everything was ok…as I noted this difference and he said of course…that it was….he said he told her a little about his day…but he had little time….I mean this schedule he is on….it’s crazy…..he gets up and goes to school and then he has soccer and then home to eat dinner and then homework and by then it is 10:30 or 11 PM…time for bed….this is what we do to kids in America….and they are expected to play a couple of sports per year and make the honor roll to get into a good college….and let’s don’t forget extracirrular activities and these crazy tests they have to pass….not only pass…excel at….it seems a bit much sometimes.

Anyway…I am a little distractible this morning….I have to go and eat with my boys….gotta get him to school on time….won’t be long…I’ll be heading back to school myself.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Getting emotional in the stands

Matheus had a soccer game tonight against Hibriten. This team plays so hard. I never realized how aggressive and fast paced soccer is and it seems to me the referee calls are very objective. Of course, I am still learning the game so maybe there are things I don't understand, but it looks to me like one action is called and the very same thing happens and is not called....it is confusing and frustrating.
The goalie for Hibriten was very boisterous and loud and I heard a racial comment from an adult sitting in the stands behind us which infuriated me. I turned around and looked at the group where the comment came from and probably would have said something to them if it had not been for my hubby. I truly don't understand how an adult can say things like this....and if adults are saying it....I can't imagine what the kids are saying on the field. No wonder the boys lose their temper and get yellow cards.
Sometimes I try to yell and encourage
them not to say anything back to the referee....
not sure how that is taken when they really don't know me. I hope they know I am just trying to be encouraging....it is difficult not to speak your mind when you are angry.


Now our boy is wearing a different pair of shoes....they belong to Grant Barnette---a player on the JV team.
Special Thanks to Grant...they fit Matheus really well....and they are pretty too....what do you think, Brad?...they are your favorite color!



First Day of School






















Matheus started WCHS today.....I am not sure who was more excited....us or him. We drove him to school as we were told at the school during our initial visit on the 20th that they were not sure what time the bus would be coming by so he needed to ride home on the bus one day and ask the bus driver what time he/she would be coming by in the morning.



Tommy drove him and I just rode along to take a few pics....for Claudia of course....ha.

Matheus was very tolerant and patient with us. He's a sweetie!












I hope he has an AWESOME Day!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

ASU Fanfest


Our second family portrait!!!

Today Matheus got to meet my dad and his fiance', Shirley, as we met them in Boone for the ASU Fanfest.

They had an autograph session with the players on the field prior to a black and gold /scrimmage game but it was raining so we skipped this

and went to the Boone Mall instead to wait out the rainstorm.

















This turned out to be a great plan as I found a GREAT deal on the COOLEST ASU coat! See below. The coat I have been wearing the past season is wore out and way too big for me and it doesn't keep you dry when it rains/snows. We also found Tommy a cool ASU polo shirt that had some little something wrong with the stitching....couldn't even see it without a microscope and it was like 75% off.....way cool!






















We got to see Shirley's ring and hear the proposal story.....for those of you who do not know....my dad is engaged!!


He came over to the house and talked to us about his plans to ask her a couple of weeks ago....and he asked her on the 16th.....Shirley said it was very romantic as he was playing Elvis Presley and made a romantic candlelight dinner for her. They are cute as can be together.







































We all went to the game together today and praise God...no rain!! Here are some pics from the FUN DAY!!































































































Then we went to Mountain House to eat dinner. Matheus got a steak....we are finding he likes meat....not a big salad eater......



















he asked a lot of questions about American Football....he seemed to really enjoy the game.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Signing up for school

Today we had our meeting with Matheus' counselor at WCHS. We met with the junior counselor, Ms. Ester Wakefield but she will not be his counselor this year as they decided today that he will be a senior. His counselor will be Ms. Michelle Tidwell. Here is a picture of him today with Ms. Wakefield.



He was very happy about this as this will mean when he returns to Brazil, he will only have one more semester and he will be finished with school. He picked his courses today which was a little complicated as he originally wanted to take Physics but he needed a math course which was a pre-required course for the physics. He couldn't take Algebra II because it wasn't offered this semester so he ended up taking the course that is one step above Algebra II--Functions and Modeling. He decided to take Anatomy and Physiology as he liked the idea of dissecting different animals. Here is a picture of him with his Anatomy teacher---Ms. Carol West.


He looked at different elective choices and after speaking with the teacher for the video production class, he decided to take this class. They do the announcements each morning and videotape what sounds like a little news clip there at the school. It sounds like she (the teacher--can't remember he name, but she was really nice) knows a lot about photography too and this is an interest of his. He also took a PE class called Lifetime Activities that is taught by Coach Baldwin (Randy) who is the head football coach. I was not too impressed by this guy as he was immediately trying to recruit Matheus to be the kicker for the football team....which will happen over my dead body....they can't protect the 200 pound center they have kicking for them now....so how are they going to protect little Matheus....I don't think so.....anyway....Matheus said that he had already tried to recruit Gabriel who had kicked for the football team last year and Coach Clark had said no....so I don't think it will be an issue....maybe he was just kidding....surely....he looks like he would have a great sense of humor....doesn't he?



Anyway..I digress....Matheus seemed really happy with his classes.....we walked to each of his classrooms.....meet his homeroom teacher....Andrew Kanagy who is also the faculty sponsor of the ski club. Here he is with Mr. Kanagy.



We didn't get to meet his math teacher, Ms. King, as she wasn't there but we met everyone else. He seems excited about starting school. I am excited for him.




Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I LOVE being a surrogate soccer mom!!!

Matheus got to play in the game today at Patton---he played about 8 minutes in the first half and about 15 in the second....he played AWESOME....he passes the ball so smoothly...of course I know NOTHING about soccer but I know we were originally told he would have to wait a week to play and after one day of practice....he is in the game!! The shoes he has are not going to work as they are what they call 'turf shoes.' He borrowed some shoes today from a guy named Gill...Gill played on the team last year and he has been helping out with the team this year....giving guys rides to practice and helping to support and encourage the guys on the team.....he seems like a really neat kid. Here is a pic of him......he has GREAT hair!!! :)


The neatest experience about today was as follows.....I don't know if I can even do it justice and this is why I hesitate to write about it....also I don't want to insult anyone...you know...I am NOT a parent....and especially not Matheus' parent....so please do NOT misunderstand this.....this blog is primarily for me to remember and learn from this experience and not to insult anyone....I totally understand that hosting an exchange student is NOTHING compared to having a child of your own....so I in no way mean to compare my experience to those of parents out there. What the parents out there don't understand is that people like me....that are unable to have children of my own.....envy you....I want to experience what you experience...even the frustration and heartache....and pain...because I truly believe that there is NO greater love....nothing closer to God's love than the love that a parent feels for a child.

Anyway....I think I got to experience just a tiny fraction of this today.....and I think God let me experience it for a reason.....earlier this week....Tommy had given me the WCHS soccer schedule and I had written down all of the games on my calender....he had talked about scheduling and was SO excited about attending all of the games....I...knowing NOTHING about soccer....was not as excited as him....and when I was writing down all the games and the travel involved....was feeling a little overwhelmed as it was going to require some adjustment in my work schedule and a couple of days where I would have to meet Tommy in Hickory....a place I do not do well finding my way around....and driving at night lately has been more difficult for me in places I do not know well...(I need new glasses...ha) Anyway.....all of this had left me feeling somewhat reluctant about this whole soccer mom thing.....so here we are at the Patton game.....we are not really expecting Matheus to play.....but here he gets up off the bench....he's standing next to coach Clark who is telling him something.....I am poking Tommy....saying...I think he is going in....and then Matheus...turns around.....and looks right at us....to see if we are watching.....and we make eye contact....and it is like there is some comfort in the fact that we are there for him.....I smiled and clapped and yelled for him when he went in the game....I think I definitely mispronounced his name.....but he would say "close enough".....I will NOT miss a game....I will be there for him....that was one of the most awesome experiences I think I have ever had in my life....to know that I could be there for him....his mom and dad are half way around the world....and Tommy and I are standing in for them temporarily.....thank you Lord for this opportunity.....and thank you Claudia and Onofre for sharing your boy with us. I am already learning SOO much about myself and the capacity of the human heart.


This picture was taken by Grayson Barnette....one of the JV players......great pic kid.....#18 is Axel Guerra.....seems like a really great kid.....one of the captains of the team and a senior....Matheus tells us he is an honor student plus he has a job after school and on the weekends.....on his Facebook he talks about his relationship with God and he is a very polite and pleasant young man.....not to mention a GREAT soccer player! Tommy is showing me some things about his camera and he's going to let me practice some with it during the soccer season....so hopefully I will have many pics to share with you. They won't be as good as my hubby's but given that I have an excellent teacher....I will improve.


The Warriors played hard today but lost 2-4....but Patton is 3-A team...so they were not expected to win.


Monday, August 16, 2010

Shopping

Today was a LONG day.....but fun! Matheus got a computer....and some new shirts....and we got to see the West Caldwell Warriors play....they lost to Forbush 3-2 but Forbush is ranked in top 5 in the state and a very good team. I am already trying to learn some of the players names....one kid has a nickname of 'Chewy'....don't know his real name.....there is Ricky, Gabriel, Tony and Christian. I started a list on my wordpad on my phone. Matheus sat in some gum at the stadium...my first real 'mom' problem to fix....ha. He was really tired heading home...he fell asleep in the car. We bought him some shirts at American Eagle...they had a sale going on....buy 2 get one free.....we got to see how picky he is...he had to try them all on and he wanted different designs for all three and no bright colors....he is SO cute...reminds me of Tommy....except he has a lot more patience with trying stuff on....Tommy can't stand trying things on....he is SO tiny....but has great taste....I like that he tells us what he really likes...that is better than letting us pick out things and buy things for him that he will never wear....that is just a waste of money. He is real excited about his new computer....VAIO....It has a lot of memory on it as he watches TV and videos and movies on it and plays games of course....he seems to know a lot about computers....but I think anyone would seem to know a lot compared to me...ha. He was so cute about it as we convinced him to put the computer in the trunk when we went to the game....we didn't want it laying in the back seat because someone may see it and try to break in to take it.....but he insisted on getting it out and putting it back in the back seat with him on the ride back home....where it would be safer....so cute.



Fun day....gotta go to work tomorrow.....:(



Here is a couple of pics of Matheus in a blue jean jacket that I LOVED on him....he didn't really like it....but you have to admit he looks SO good in it.



Jumping right in


Today we took Matheus to church....it was his first day here so I was trying to be careful not to overwhelm him.....but he jumped right in. He is such a great kid. Our new church family was wonderful as they all welcomed him with open arms.

Many folks came up and introduced themselves to him that Tommy and I had never met....which was an opportunity for us to get to know more of our new church family. Joe introduced Matheus in the service and the children even made him a card and presented it to him during children's church. It was really neat!

The youth had a end of summer pool party today and he was invited. He said he would think about it....we made an effort to introduce ourselves to the couple who was hosting the party and to find out where they live....it turned out to be close to where we live. We told Matheus it was totally up to him....we came home and had lunch and discussed what our options were....as we had also discussed going shopping for some clothes and a computer....and he said he would like to go to the pool party.


So we went....he said he would like us to go with him initially and once we saw he was comfortable, we could leave if we wanted to or we could stay...it would be up to us. We didn't wear our suits...which was a mistake....as we thought the youth would be the only ones swimming.






It turned out to be a great afternoon. We got to know some of the folks at Grace Place much better and Matheus had an opportunity to chat with the youth leader, Brent, and some of the kids.










A lot of the boys/men were going off the diving board and having a belly flop contest which Matheus did not participate in but he watched with great interest. He talked with some of the girls and swam and interacted.

We came back home and he talked with his mom a bit via phone (really more like walkie-talkie) and we had dinner and chatted some. He shared his goals about getting a computer and we decided to go shopping in Winston tomorrow so that we can go by and watch the soccer team playing at Forbush. He is supposed to start practice on Tuesday with the team so it would be great for him to meet the coach and some of the players.

Tommy explained to Matheus that he would likely have to participate in practice for a week or so before he could play in a game so he probably can't play in the game on Wednesday at PHS. He shared that he needs to get some shin guards and socks tomorrow and we made a plan for where is the best place to look for a computer.
We also discussed our scheduled meeting at West Caldwell on Friday to get his schedule set up and how we have purchased a membership at Phifer Wellness Center for all three of us so he can work out here whenever he wants. He has an appt on Friday to get his evaluation there as he has three free sessions with a trainer as part of his membership. He seemed to share openly as he asked a few questions....we made a plan to go over the AFS questionnaire on Tuesday morning as everyone agreed this would be a better time since we were all wiped and needed to get to bed early since we were traveling early in the AM. Matheus was given positive feedback regarding his willingness to jump right in today and he stated that he had a GREAT day!

This is going to be FUN!
Special Thanks to Stephen and Sara Smith for inviting us and hosting the youth....we can't wait to get to know you guys better!!!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

He's here!!!!

We picked up Matheus today in Charlotte after an orientation session at a hotel near the airport. He is such a cutie! He came up and gave us a hug and we immediately started chatting and getting to know each other. His English is VERY GOOD!! We got to meet many of the other exchange students also...including the other young man that was in our final choices.... Jerome...from Hong Kong. He is staying with a family from Spartenburg, SC....I think. He seems like a nice kid....everyone there seemed very nice. We talked with a family who were hosting for the first time....they had a son and daughter....they were so cute as they were SOO excited waiting for their students to arrive.


They had a map where they had put black dots for each student showing where all the exchange students are placed. Here is the one for NC and SC showing all the students.



and here is a close up of our area showing the students placed in Hickory/Lenoir area.


After we left the hotel we went to Cracker Barrel to eat...he had never been there before...he asked about getting free refills for sodas as he says this is not done in Brazil. He shared about his flight and family. He lives in a gated community there in Brazil and he has 2 older brothers, Lucas and Daniel. They seem like a very close family but he is a very confident and independent young man. I admire him for making this trip as it takes great courage and strength to spend a year away from his family at this age.
When we got home....we gave him the tour and had a small surprise for him.....a small cake....it turns out that he doesn't really eat cake.....he doesn't have much of a sweet tooth....he is the son of a dentist...ha. He is going to be a GREAT influence on us. He was very appreciative and sweet. He is used to living in a much bigger and more extravagant home so I was concerned that he may be disappointed in our humble abode.....but he seemed very happy. He really didn't bring much stuff with him so he is going to have plenty of space with the new desk and the cabinet in his room and the bathroom closet. He seems like a really great kid and I am SOO looking forward to having him in our family this coming year!!
This is SOOO exciting!!! Pray for us...all three of us...and Hershey too.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Leaving it at the Cross

The last week has been very thought provoking for me. I have been able to reconnect with a couple of good friends that I rarely get to see or talk to as we all lead such busy lives. I have great respect for both of them and I miss them terribly. I frequently think about hosting a bible study in my home as I would LOVE to be able to see these and other women that I used to go to church with more often but it just never seems to actually happen. Is that one of those things that God implants in my mind that I do not obey? It’s like the gift certificate I purchased for another friend who came to our house and did some work for us and I am still carrying it around…..I need to mail it to them…..!! That is me….I have always been this way….a procrastinator…..I am always late for everything….I am always putting things off….


Well….I started this blog on Sat morning and here it is Monday morning…and since then…..I discovered that one of my favorite people in the world….Louise…is in ICU at Forsyth hospital in critical condition….my dad sent me an email last night….this is a lady that my mom was very close to growing up and that I had promised I would come and see…in fact Tommy and I had talked about we were going to go and see her this summer…along with my uncle JD and aunt Annie…I hope she knows how very dear she is to my heart….I hope SO many people know how dear they are to my heart. You know we just race around daily trying to get everything done….do we take the time to really build the relationships that are what are the fabric of what matters….that is what God put us on this earth for….to serve one another….to love one another…Satan wants to keep us all bound up in stuff that doesn’t matter….material things…hurts….anger…FEAR…that is my biggie…what if’s…..but you know what….no matter what happens….God is still going to be there…HE isn’t going anywhere….people get sick and even when they go on to be with him…..death has NO victory….because Jesus rose again…so there is NO need for fear…unless you don’t know Jesus….

All the things that I used to gain comfort in….so many of them have changed….and change is really difficult sometimes….but the one thing we can count on to NEVER change is our LORD and Savior….He promises us that he will never abandon us.


We had the most powerful service yesterday at church. The pastor’s daughter sang this song…that she wrote…it was really beautiful….she is just a kid…it amazes me how God speaks through young people….she played the guitar and sang and of course with my memory….I can’t quote the lyrics but one line in particular really spoke to me….it was about God being our strength when we are weak and finding rest in Him and there was a line where God asks us…why don’t you just let me be who ‘I AM’ I thought this was so powerful….so many times….I try to be God in my life…trying to make things happen that only He can do….if I would just get out of the way and let him be HIM then everything would just fall into place and I would not have to work nearly as hard.

Then a young man named Brian got up and testified which was another powerful part of the service….he is a someone who sings frequently as he has a powerful voice and he was sharing about a time when he was preparing to sing for a funeral and he was very nervous and he had gotten some reassuring words from his father—a person who is not usually someone who reaches out in this way. He stated that this gave him the understanding he needed to surrender to God as he realized he is just the instrument being used and that God is doing all the work and there is nothing for him to be nervous about. This testimony was given before Haley sang by the way…..It should be noted that I don’t really know any of these people….nor do they know me…..but it is very obvious to me that they know my Lord and savior and are therefore my brothers and sisters in Christ….and God has placed us there with them for a reason….and they are definitely teaching us some things.

Pastor Joe’s message yesterday was about Sin, Spills and Stains…..and the scripture reference was Isaiah 1:5. He pointed out that the only way healing can take place if for the wounds to be acknowledged. He compared sins to spills on a carpet and how they can be easily taken care of if they are dealt with immediately after they occur. But if we chose not to acknowledge them…then they become stains which are like strongholds which require more effort to loosen their grip in our lives…but we have Jesus….and he wants to discuss it…..he wants to make our sins go from bright crimson to white as snow….he will remove the stain forever…if we will just be honest with him about it….sometimes….for me anyway…I need his help to be honest about it….I have hid things from myself for so long that I don’t even know the truth….I think we are all that way….we have thinks that we think and feel that are so ugly….that we all want to bury them….but you know what…those things are not secret to God..he knows them…and he loves us anyway….that is beyond my comprehension….sometimes my husband’s love is beyond my comprehension…so God’s love….is WAY beyond my comprehension….to love someone so much that you would send your only son….knowing what he was going to have go through….for people who are so ungrateful and unloyal….and to promise to love them forever….if they only believe….what an awesome God we serve.


Anyway…Pastor Joe said yesterday that there comes a time when we have to start living what we are singing about…..I say amen to that…the time has come…

Help me Lord…to live each day to serve you….with my heart and not just with my lips…make me aware of my spills as they occur so that I can bring them to you and not allow them to turn into stains in my life….help me to stay disciplined in your word as that is my #1 offensive weapon against the enemy who wants me to believe the worst about everything and everybody….help me to see people through your eyes Lord….including myself….help me to surrender things to you and leave them with you…knowing that you are much more capable of taking care of them than I am. Amen

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A Hard Lesson to Learn

Today has been an interesting day to say the least….but one that has been overall encouraging as God has taught me some things about myself….the question is….what am I going to do with these things….this is one of the main reasons I have decided to write about these things on this blog….for accountability….I really do want to grow into a more responsible, mature….Christlike person….and you know….sometimes that is not fun….and sometimes God tells us things that we really don’t want to hear….but they are necessary for our growth…just like parents have to do for their children.

I think I mentioned earlier that I am in the process of reading this book….Changes that Heal….and that I am currently on the section about boundaries….which has always been difficult for me….

Well….I may have also mentioned that I work for this AWESOME lady….she is a PhD psychologist who is first and foremost a follower of Jesus Christ. To be honest, I don’t think I have ever met anyone….outside of Tommy….that I have more respect for….when it comes to their character….she is a person who does not just talk it….she lives it….and I have seen her under the gun….I have seen her be attacked verbally…heck….I have attacked her verbally….and she is always gracious…..she is always willing to see the good in people...(just like my hubby)….and she is always trying to apply God’s word to every situation and circumstance…..it has been the most awesome privilege knowing her and working with her…..I consider her my close friend…at least she has been one to me MANY times when I needed her. I know this relationship is difficult for her…because of boundaries….she is my supervisor….so she has to maintain boundaries appropriate to this relationship….but sometimes I want her to be my friend….and sometimes these two roles (supervisor and friend) clash….like they did today.

I didn’t realize it until God pointed it out to me later…..but I called Jane this morning….and what I REALLY wanted was for her to make me feel better…..I was feeling OVERWHELMED and guilty….because….well….to be honest….I haven’t been doing my job….this is the bottom line…the truth….not what I wanted to hear….not what I want to admit….but the truth….God made this clear to me this afternoon when I asked for his guidance…..and I gave him some time…..words from the book that I am reading came pouring back to me…..about responsibility……about Adam and Eve in the garden pointing fingers at each other….the blame game….what is MY RESPONSIBILITY…..does the fact that my house is a wreck and I have a new person coming to live with me in 11 days make it ok not to do my job? Is she supposed to tell me it’s ok….for me not to do my job…to make me feel better….give me permission to put my life first…while she gets paid NOTHING…..I don’t think so….what kind of boundary is that….what kind of friend am I to put her in that position?

You know….I have always had ‘issues with authority’ and I think that this is one of the reasons that God put me here…at Mimosa…..I may have been able to blame my bosses in the past….because they all their own issues of control and dysfunction…they would try to force me to do things their way and it would work for a while as I would comply but then I would slip back into old patterns as I resented being made to do something and I didn’t see the purpose because I didn’t believe it their system or them…..but there is no way to blame Jane….she is one of the most sincere, most genuine, most honest people I have ever met….there are very few things that I would not do for her….I don’t think she really gets that….how much she means to me….before I hung the phone up today….I told her that I loved her….I think she thinks I mean that as an employer…..a paycheck….a job….if there is anything that she gets from this blog….I hope she gets that my love for her as a sister in Christ is sincere….and genuine….as is my respect….I have learned SOOO much from her. I truly LOVE working at Mimosa but if I had to chose between working there and being her friend, I would quit tomorrow.

I want to sincerely apologize, Dr. Jane, for putting you in this position…..and I want to promise that with God’s help…it will not happen again. I will do EVERYTHING in my power to get caught up with my work and I would like to come up with a system for keeping current notes up to date. I have some ideas but am going to talk to our mission organization lady when she returns from her vacation. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and that you know I am ALWAYS here for you.

Dear Lord….thank you for showing me my lack of responsibility and compassion for my friend….and my true motives for my call to her this morning….we all need reassurance sometimes but not through a lie…..thank you for TRUE friends that have the courage to tell me the truth even when I am pressuring them to lie to me because the lie is what I want to hear. Thank you for leading me to Mimosa and to Dr. Jane and for the lunch I had with Heather today….for all the wonderful friends that I have….I praise you for each of them Lord….especially Tommy…..be with us as we prepare for Matheus’ arrival….help us to do your will Lord….to always look to you….before we say things….that hurt those we care about….give Heather and Chris patience as they wait for the call from China, Lord…..and be with the youth and leaders from Grace Place at Big God camp….also be with Codie and Dillon Paul as they travel home from India and with Sarah and the other youth from Flemings as they prepare for the rally on Friday. We love you Lord….thank you for loving us and for your mercy and forgiveness…and for NEVER giving up on us! Amen.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Finding God's Voice

I just got back in from church today and it was an awesome service….I feel on fire for God….the way I used to feel….man do I miss this feeling! You know something….sometimes I can be pretty thick in the head….being on fire for God….it didn’t have anything to do with Pastor Hugh….and yes, I still call him that….because….well that is another whole blog…..but it had to do with GOD’s presence! God is ALIVE & BREATHING at this church in a way that I haven’t felt in a LONG time. Please don’t get me wrong….I LOVE FCBC….and I have allowed Satan to place some obstacles in my way that have kept me from enjoying church for a while….including the whole issue that happened with Hugh…..some hurtful words and misunderstandings….and parting of ways.....guilt about leaving people I love at FC….feeling like I am abandoning a new, young preacher…but you know what….that is the past…time to move forward…to let go….I will do my best to continue to connect with the folks at Flemings and those that chose to continue to be in my life….will do so….those that don’t…well….I will see them in heaven….they are my brothers and sisters in Christ and we are ALL part of the same body…..maybe they are where they are supposed to be….but it has been obvious for some time now that we were not supposed to stay there….I can’t explain it….but I do know that my hubby led the way and I praise God for his courage and strength as it has led us to a place where we can reconnect with God. So many times I feel that God speaks to me and I can’t verbalize it….I work with people that don’t believe in God and when I try to explain to them how I KNOW He exists because I have experienced him….they just look at me….like I am CRAZY!....ha. So I want to try to do more writing about these experiences so that I can be more specific in my explanations.

God has been teaching me so many things as I have been trying to let go of material possessions these last few weeks. I know many of you may easily toss old things without a second thought, but for me it is not that easy. I have been psychologically programmed …..I think….to attach memories and meaning to things. My mom….who passed away a year ago in April….attached a GREAT deal of value to things and she kept EVERYTHING. Many of the things that she had kept….I brought to my house to safeguard as my dad took things and gave them away shortly after her death. She was into genealogy for many years and she had a whole bookcase of books, papers and then many boxes on top of this in her basement full of her rough work and copies of maps and other records that she had collected in her work. I had told my dad that I wanted all of this but had nowhere to put it. A few weeks later, he casually mentioned it to me on the phone, that he had donated it the genealogy department at the Wilkes County Library…..my heart sunk But I kept it together and did not attack him or burst into tears…..and I later realized that it was a blessing as #1…I have NOWHERE to put this stuff and #2….I don’t even know what the majority of it means….I went to the library where it was stored and spoke to someone which made me feel more secure about where it was and they were very nice. These are folks that can use the material and maybe someone can benefit from all her hard work rather than it sitting in our attic collecting dust. This is just one lesson I have learned….and I am doing much better as we have had to let go of MANY things to make room for this real life person coming into our lives….I am SOO excited…he is coming in 13 days….we still have a lot of work to do. Yesterday, we worked upstairs and I started pulling things out of the attic….it just seems like every time I think I am nearing the end….I find a whole other layer of STUFF….well….today God encouraged me….

He communicated with me about three things that have been weighing on my mind during today’s service.

The first one was primarily before church as I heard a devotion on the radio…about giving….from your heart….and not expecting anything in return…..I was laying there in bed thinking about how difficult this is….in its true sense. My mom was a giving person…..but she expected in return….as we ALL do….we expect gratitude….and appreciation….we expect people to be kind to us and remember us if we are giving to them….so how is this different from expecting a gift in return. I think it is just human nature to begin to resent it…..if we give and give and never get anything back….that is not the way God is….He continues to give….over and over….in a never-ending fashion….and he expects us to do so…in His spirit….we really can’t do it any other way. I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I have been feeling very burned out regarding my clients…..this has all been related to a book I have been reading called Changes that Heal….by Henry Cloud….he is a psychologist but also a minister….and he really has a cool way of combining God’s word with psychological concepts such as boundaries….which is what I am reading about currently in the book. I have always known that this is a weak spot for me, but in reading this book…..I realize that God wants me to have solid, healthy boundaries with others….He has them….he has clear definitions of who he is and what he will do and not do…what he will tolerate and will not tolerate from others…..and he enforces these boundaries in a loving manner with his children. I need to incorporate his example into my life.

Anyway…I am thinking about all this….when the clock goes off ….yeah men…us women….our brain NEVER stops…ha.

Then backing this up….first thing today….at church today….Joe is talking about how tired everyone is after VBS and he quotes the verse…”Let us not grow weary in doing good.” I just think that God is trying to encourage me that I am on the right path.

Secondly….I feel he is trying to encourage me with this journey of letting go of stuff….and the whole idea of focusing on the eternal….if you have been reading my blog….you know that I was listening to Kay Arthur on Friday and she talked about going through trials and how Jesus persevered by focusing on the eternal…taking up his cross and denying himself….well Joe talked about that today too….the title of his message was Temporary vs. Eternal…..
He pointed out about Abraham and how by today’s standards….he would have likely been a billionaire….but he chose to live in a tent…..as a pilgrim going from town to town…..keeping his eyes on an unseen city….he understood what was temporary and what was eternal….he shared a time when he was a young boy and going through a difficult time…and God sent him a message through a song on the radio…by The Five Stairsteps….He is God…he can speak through anything or anyone….Nothing is impossible for Him…..this song helped a discouraged little boy realize that his circumstances were just temporary. I used to have this friend that would say…”This too shall pass.” I always liked this saying because it is true….everything passes on this earth….all the things that we spend our time worrying about or consumed with….are just temporary.
God has a plan…..listen to HIM…..stop worrying about the past….you were not perfect…you cannot go back and make it perfect…..not with your mother…not with your friends…..it doesn’t make you a failure…that is a lie from Satan….one of those encumbrances that distract us from the goal. Joe pointed out Jesus’ words in Matthew where he reminded us that what we say and do here on earth has eternal consequences and value…..we need to remember that every word we say to someone….every time God puts in my head to call someone or put a card in the mail and I fail to do it…what could that have meant to that person…..that is more important than scanning pictures or playing a game on FB….that is eternal….all the rest is just temporary…..relationships are eternal…..friendships….I need to make some changes and with God’s help….it is possible. It begins by focusing on the present...not the past....that is how Satan trips me up...by keeping me focused on the past....what can I do that is of eternal value NOW!

And the third thing I have been struggling with…..of course….is my mother’s death. I continue to see my mother…flashbacks so to speak…..of her dying….her physical condition shortly before her death as she was having a lot of difficulty breathing. Her nose was all backed up and we had to get one of those things that help suck the mucus out….like they use for infants…..she was unconscious….but still seemed to be in pain as she moaned frequently…..it was a pretty bad experience….but I praise God that I had my husband and my dad there with me. Our neighbor, Mable, was there also…who is the sweetest lady…this side of heaven. She was always there for my mom and basically for anyone who needs her….there is a lady who will have many crowns to lay at our Lord’s feet. Anyway these images are quite disturbing as you can imagine….and I usually combat them with prayer and tears…..which minimizes the length of their visit. They only come during times when I am thinking about my mom so if I stay busy with other things….I can avoid them, but being a psychologist….I know repressing feelings is not good and I want God to help me work through my feelings rather than avoid them. Well…today during the service…Dawn and Jennifer sang Mighty to Save…..and there is a verse in this song about conquering the grave…..and then they sang another song…not sure of the name of it…but it also talked about this…and then during the message….Joe was talking about things that are eternal…..and one of them is the human soul….that we are forever somewhere…..we never cease to exist…..this gave me such a feeling of peace…..my mom is in heaven…I know this intellectually but to feel it....with my heart…..please pray for me to hold on to this realization….that I believe came straight from God….through his angels at Grace Place.

Thank you God for your encouragement today....for allowing me to experience your presence.....help me Lord to focus on YOU and YOUR eternal goals for me instead of getting caught up in all these temporary things of this earth. I pray that this relationship that we are beginning will be one of eternal value.