Praise God!

I just wanted to drop a note and let everyone know that our little Hershey has been found!! She had crawled down into the vent in the bathroom downstairs and we were certain that she had ripped through the venting system and out some crack under the house….as we didn’t hear her. We had called for her and called for her….and she is usually a kitty that talks (a LOT). We had even pulled up the other vents and called for her. Tommy calls for her and she usually comes straight to him as they have a SPECIAL relationship, but we didn’t hear a sound…so we had figured she was gone. She disappeared this morning….one of us stayed here all day and left the door open….we went looking for her nearby and put food on the porch for her. She had stayed outside on our porch when she was real little with her mom….so we were thinking maybe she would remember the front porch and come back….but we had already shed some tears….trying to prepare ourselves for the possibility that she may not return.

On the off change….crazy me….called 72 degrees to ask how hard it would have been for her to get through the system under the house…they said that the vents were all metal so she would have had to go through the flex. I told them what had happened and asked if they could send someone out today to at least see what the damage was as we didn’t want to be sending AC under the house…they agreed. When the guy got here….he is the same guy that has been here several times as we have had multiple problems with our upstairs unit….and he comes to do routine check ups with the system….his name is Brandon and he is just a kid…but nice as can be…..we told him what happened and he crawled under the house…..and guess what…she was still in the venting……he had to cut her out….and still she never made a sound….she would not come to him so Tommy had to crawl under there to get her….and for those of you that know Tommy….and if you could see the size of the spiders that live under and around our house…..Brad you know…..then you would know how very much my husband loves this cat…..anyway….she is back home safe and sound…needless to say, she has been shut upstairs since…where the vents are on the ceiling…ha.

God is SOOO good!! Thanks for your prayers!

Anyone from 72 degrees listening….give Brandon a raise….he is our HERO!!!!!

God is still with us

I saw my rock cry out today. My husband who is the strongest person I know….who has lost his mother….the person who taught him how to care for his diabetes….who was SO close to him. Don’t get me wrong, he grieved for her, but he handled it like a warrior….I guess I didn’t really realize how strong he was until I lost my own mother….and then when my dad started dating….and I had to put my dad’s needs and happiness before my own feelings….because it IS the right thing to do…I want my dad to be happy….but it hurt SO bad to see him with someone else….it made me realize how hard it must have been for Tommy as his dad moved on very quickly after Mavis died…..much more quickly than my dad has. I have learned that men handle the loss of a spouse differently than women….they are much more likely to move on….to remarry….to get rid of their spouse’s belongs sooner….sell the house…things that have been really hard for me…I do think that it is time to do these things…to move on….it is a healthy thing.

Anyway…I heard my warrior say….”It’s just one test after another,” as tears rolled down his face…..God how I love this man!! He is my strength…my soul! I honestly don’t think I could breathe without him. I get scared sometimes as I know God warns us about loving ANYTHING or ANYONE more than HIM and sometimes I think my love for Tommy competes with my love for my savior. I know that Tommy was a gift in my life directly from GOD. Anyone who knows me or who I was before Tommy…..knows that to be true….that God truly did work things together so that we would be together….I remember thinking when people would say things like that….that they were CRAZY….why would GOD intervene in YOUR life….personally….but he does….I do believe he intervenes in all of our lives…not just mine….or certain people…but ALL of us….some of us just don’t give him the credit or pay attention.
God wants us to bear fruit….to run the race…Satan tries to hinder us….he can’t take us out of the race…but he tries to encumber us….with all sorts of things….that keep us off track….that take our eyes off the goal…the enemy wants us to look back at the past….at the sins we have committed….at our mistakes….at our failures…he wants us to think that God can’t use us anymore….we have to lay aside these encumbrances so that we can run the race….also lay aside all the sin….the sin of unbelief….”I will never be used by God”….”I will never be able to”…..”I can’t forgive”….”I can’t let go of”…..anything that keeps us from reaching the goal that God has for us. God wants us to walk by faith….trusting him….think about it…..Rehab was a harlot but she ended up in the hall of faith….think of all the little guys that God used in a mighty way….Daniel, Gideon….David…..”Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and sin”……if I don’t believe that God has forgiven me…I won’t run with HIS POWER….I won’t have the confidence I need…knowing that I have HIM in me….I need to keep my eyes on JESUS…..and who is he…he is the author of my faith……look beyond the suffering to the joy with the eternal father…..Jesus endured hostility of sinners against himself…..he made it …..We can make it. How does God speak to me….I love that song….not sure what the name is..”What if it’s HIM?” He can use anything he wants to use…..but his purpose is clear….Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. I need to realize that my heavenly father knows what is best for me….he is training me to be more like him….

Many of us are hurting….some of the stories I hear are so horrific…the only way to be healed….is to let go of expectations for our life here on earth….lose our life here so we can gain life eternal…..
Romans 3….even Christ did not please himself….Christ picked up his cross….
I need to ask myself what qualities in Christ that could be formed in me through this trial
How do I identify with Christ…how does this pain that I am experiencing fill up the suffering of Jesus Christ…Col the suffering of Christ is not over just because he is gone….when someone rejects you…or runs away from you…..does God have people that he has reached out to and they have rejected him or ran away from him….he understands that hurt
Ask God to show me his comfort in this situation…so that I may take his comfort and minister to others. Only comes through experiencing pain.

So here goes….help me Lord….to understand….and even though sometimes we do not understand….to trust you….to know that you understand…that you see the big picture and know how we are feeling.....we feel like we have said good bye to so many that we love Lord….to Mavis, to Mikey, to Murphy…..please bring our little Hershey back to us Lord…..we love that little girl….if it is not possible Lord…please keep her safe and comfort our hearts….help us to grow closer to you throughout this trial and to support and encourage each other and to know that there is NOTHING that we are going through that YOU have not experienced….that YOU do not understand…..and that YOU love us….and are ALWAYS HERE for us. Thank you for your mercy and your love and thank you for my compassionate partner….and I ask that you mend his heart as he loves this little girl and was just starting to mend from losing his best buddy Murphy. I also want to thank you for the lesson from Kay Arthur from which I got many of the material in this blog….I believe you send us messages just when we need them for encouragement and strength and I thank you putting me in the path of these words today and to speaking to me through them.

I will NOT be moved!!!

I will NOT be moved!

Have you ever heard that song by Natalie Grant…well that is going to be my new motto…. It seems like whenever we make a decision to follow God’s will…in a big way in our lives…Satan hits us with everything he has…..at least that is the way it has been for me….and he knows where to hit me….all my weak spots….the vulnerable areas. He knocked me off my feet yesterday but you know what….I am back up today….my Lord and Savior has reassured me that HE suffered and died on a cross so that “Therefore, there is now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, those who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit. “ Romans 8:1…..so let Satan continue to accuse me….let him continue to tell me that I cannot do this, but Jesus says I can and HE is the author of the truth so I choose to believe HIM!!! I’m sure it won’t be the last time I am knocked down, but Jesus has promised to never abandon me so He will always be there to help me up again!

I pray that you all are having a wonderful weekend. We have been SO busy and a little discouraged as there is more to do than we can get done before Matheus gets here. I continue to struggle with getting rid of sentimental things that we have no place for….and trying to figure out where to put things that were in the room where he is going to be staying.

Friday we went shopping for a few things and it took us ALL day….which was kind of disappointing as we later found out that my dad was planning on visiting us….if we had known we would have planned the shopping for a different day….but we rearranged and he is coming on Monday. We got a pop up hamper for him to put his clothes in and a covered liter box since Hershey’s liter box is currently in his closet….YIKES!! We have tried to relocate her to upstairs but she is SO attached to that bathroom as that is where she stayed for those two months with her mom and sister when she first came in the house and after her surgery (spayed). She has a place she sleeps on the top shelf of the closet and another place inside the cabinet…..she thinks it is her room. I went in there yesterday to put up this hook we bought where you can hang things and she followed me in there talking up a storm…..as if to say…what are adding to my room….ha. So for now…I think we have decided to see how Matheus feels about sharing that space with her. We are going to try to get some of those claw caps for her and see what it would be like to just her have full roam of the house so then maybe we could put the litter box upstairs in our bathroom. It’s a work in progress. There is still a lot of stuff in the bathroom downstairs cabinets such as bandages and generic stuff….don’t know where we would put these things….and don’t know if Matheus will need this space….thinking about buying a space saver for that bathroom….that would add some space….if we needed it….and give Hershey something to climb on….ha….if anyone has any suggestions…don’t hesitate…..I have no idea about the space needs of a teenage boy….so some of you mom’s out there...let me know what you think....or I would even offer input from the teenage boys themselves although I seriously doubt any are reading this blog...ha.

Well…I will close for now…Please pray for us….and pray for little Mason…I am not sure what is going on with him medically as I am sort of out of the loop but he is in the hospital in Asheville following some surgery….he is such a precious child...or I guess he is not really a child anymore...but he is definately a blessing to many….I pray for healing for him and comfort for his family….also continued prayers for Kyle’s family…they are having a memorial for him at Heritage on the 29th….Tommy and I are hoping to be able to attend….the folks that work at Heritage Middle school are awesome people and I am privileged to work there with them….even if it is only one day a week….it could be increased to 2 this year…who knows….the referrals increased a lot last year.

Also….Jamie Lowman and her family are in my thoughts and prayers with the loss of her mom….I love you girl….I know this is hard….I cried for my mom yesterday as I wanted to talk to her….when I am having a bad day…that is the person I long for….not that she could really do anything but she would ALWAYS be there to listen….I guess that is what mom’s do….God bless them….don’t take yours for granted….:)

No more teasing....here is the NEWS!!!

Tommy & I @ "The Blend" Coffee Shop in Wilmington



Tommy and I have been through many stages in this journey and we are really unclear where God is leading us to be honest. We both LOVE children with all of our heart and both of us have jobs that involve working with children and adolescents.

After an unsuccessful and painful walk down the road of infertility treatments that left us broken both financially and emotionally, we considered adoption. After much prayer and consideration, we joyfully decided on adopting from China only to find that we would not qualify because of newly instituted regulations, so we regrouped and began seeking God's will again.

Resistant....I agreed to sign up and take the classes to become a foster parent as I was terrified given I had been working with these types of families and pictured me getting attached to a child and then having my heart ripped out when the child was then placed back with abusive or neglectful parents....never to see us again. But as the class progressed....I became more open to it and Tommy became more skeptical. We prayed about it and asked for prayers from our church family and had all intentions of fostering for adoption upon the completion of the class. However, about the time we finished this class is when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and we spent the next year traveling back and forth to Wilkes County to help my dad care for her....and spending time with her.

It was a hard year and it has been a hard one since. Part of me has just told God that I am too old and too tired to think about a child in my life now but He will NOT let me forget about it. There is not a day that goes by that He does not give me a sign.....a gentle reminder that Tommy and I have too much love to not share it.







I watch my husband....the way he is with kids.....he is like a kid himself....he makes them laugh....he is a ball of energy...when a baby is born on TV...I look over there and tears are streaming down his face.....OH at how I wish I could give him that. For so long Satan used this against me....told me I was nothing...not a real woman...not a real wife....because I couldn't have children.....but I know that Tommy loves me....and that God loves me.....there is a reason that God did not give me this blessing.....I think that since my mother's death, he has helped me to understand some things and my anger has subsided.....I will always grieve.....about not being a mother.....when I hear other women talk about it....that bond they have with their children....it is something I will never understand.....that love....maybe I couldn't have handled it....and God knew it...but for whatever reason....he did not allow it to happen.....I know that he has a plan.

So...what is the plan? Well...I have been begging him to show us and he finally showed my husband as Tommy felt a strong urge to become involved in the AFS program. He was introduced to this program through one of the physicians at TRFM where he goes in Glen Alpine as this doctor (Clay Richardson) and his wife had hosted foreign exchange students with AFS in the past. He gave Tommy the name and contact information of the lady who runs the program (Gerry Bair) and they talked and Tommy brought the information to me. He was so excited, he was like a kid. He shared about it and we prayed and God made it clear to us that we were to move forward. We had our annual beach trip coming up and we needed to finish the application before we left. We had to take some pictures of parts of our house which was a wreck because I had brought things from my parents house that needed to be gone through and just dumped them in our living room. I felt like there was no way to get it all done before we left for the beach including getting the house in order as we had have a meeting with Gerry here at the house prior to the acceptance of our application. Tommy and I worked our booties off and got it all finished in time for her to visit the day before we left for the beach. Looking back....It was a miracle from God....there were a couple of nights we only slept a couple of hours and then got up and went to work the next day. I think the only thing that kept me going was knowing that the school counselors were as exhausted as I was...ha (Thanks Joy Cooper---I hope you are getting some rest this summer):) It was such difficult work for me emotionally too as I was going through letters and cards and old papers. I found my dad's immigration papers in a box full of stuff that was basically junk and I also found his old divorce papers which brought up a lot of questions for me about his relationship with my older brother. So many things that God is showing me...need to be laid to rest...but you know...you have to address things before you can lay them down for good....you can't try to bury them alive....that has taken me a LONG time to understand....but that is the topic of a whole other day....

On the day of the meeting...our house was not white glove clean but it was 100% better than it had been....I wish I had taken a picture of the before...no one would have believed it! Geri walked in, introduced herself and handed us a stack of profiles and then started asking us questions while we were looking through them. Tommy answered the questions while I went through the profiles and separated them into three piles.....yes, no and maybe. In the meantime, they were suggesting that we stick with a boy as they felt this may be easier for us as we had never hosted before. The main things I looked for on the profile were the interests of the kid and the SLEP score which is a test they take that measures how well they can speak, understand and write English. Gerry brought the liaison from the local high school with her.....her name was Karen. They were both very nice and they answered our questions. They didn't have much time that day as Karen (liaison) had to get back to the school for graduation preparation and Gerry had another meeting to attend....so the meeting was a little rushed. They looked at the room where the AFS participate will be staying and gave us some suggestions such as getting the rest of our things out of the room so he will feel more comfortable. I have all my scrapbooking things in this room and we have a big desk in there and all our office supplies. Tommy and I later decided to move the big desk out into the dining area and sell our dining room set.....so that we can move a chest of drawers into the room. We still have a lot of work to do and our new visitor is arriving in just 30 days. I still need to get the scrapbooking stuff out of there and we still have to find a place for our china. I think my dad is going to give us a cedar chest that we may can put at the bottom of our stairs which may be a great place for the china. We have been getting rid of tons of stuff but still need to get rid of more. I think stuff symbolizes the past for me.....so letting go of it.....is therapeutic.

So there is the news.....we will have a young man from Brazil coming to live with us for 10 months starting August 14th. He will be attending WCHS and he will be a junior. We have had some contact with him via email and he seems like a wonderful young man....and his English is really good....he has studied it for 7 years. His name is Matheus Mendes and he is cute as a button....so we will have to have some rules about the girls......it is going to be an adventure. We have seen pictures of his family.....his father is a dentist and his mother helps also in the practice. She is a beautiful woman who looks like she is in her 30's but she is actually in her 50's. He has 2 brothers....both older and he loves to play soccer and ski. He has been to the US before so hopefully it will not be too much of a culture shock for him.

Don't ask how we picked Matheus....it was a God thing.....narrowing down.....with the help of our nephew Brad.....I believe he is the one that is supposed to be here with us....and I am SOO excited.....and a little scared....pray for us...and Matheus.....and God's guidance on this adventure of faith.

So that is what this blog is going to be about....primarily....this journey....my first experience having a child in my home.....I am SOOOO excited....I can't wait to see what happens next!
Thanks for reading...love ya.




Brad holding up my grandpa Murphy's overall's so I could take a pic of them....Brad is MUCH tall than my Paw Paw was....ha.

P.S. I want to say a big THANK YOU to my nephew Brad....who came and stayed a week with us and helped us prepare for a big yard sale at First Baptist for Mimosa on June 26th....we donated 2 trailer loads of stuff...one from my dad's basement and one from our house.......we went through TONS of stuff, moved the BIG desk out of our bedroom and into the dining area, went down memory lane with a trunk full of my grandfather's clothes, my baby clothes, letters, cards, books, printed emails, pictures, genealogy records, toys from my childhood, blankets made by my great grandmother, clothes worn by my great grandmother...even her bonnet and apron....we even found a bible that belonged to my great, great, great grandfather and it has his signature in it. I still haven't gotten rid of it...I confess...I had no where to put it but it has to go to someone in our family....so I will find someone to take it or I will put it in a safe place until I can.

Anyway...thank you boy...for not only all your muscle and sweat...and hard physical labor but for all your patience and endurance and compassion with your aunt....for your kind disposition...for your interest in my family and willingness to listen to the stories...for even asking questions...you are the most awesome 18 year old I have ever known....thank you for not rolling your eyes more often...the only time I saw you do it was when I asked you to pose with Snoopy at Carowinds for the what....third or fourth time...ha....but you still did it and managed a smile....just wanted you to know how very much you are appreciated and loved over here in the foothills. Thanks for sharing your schedule....you are going to LOVE college....and ace it too...and be an awesome success at EVERYTHING you do!!!

Also...my prayers are with the families of Karen Hoyle and Kyle Rusnak as well as J.B. Fleming who lost his beautiful wife, Judy, recently. We love you Johnny Boyd...don't pretend everything is ok....you can lean on your family....talk to us...ok?....Maybe one of you teenagers should show grandpa how to start a blog :O

What is our purpose?

What is my purpose? That is a very deep question, but one that we all ask eventually. Many people say to me that 'young folks don't think about such things, ' but this has not been my experience. When I was younger....this is ALL I thought about. In fact....I remember watching Pink Floyd's "The Wall" with my friends and being in tears because I was SO touched and my friends thought I was CRAZY! They thought I was sad.....which in a way I was....but I identified with the music....I connected with it emotionally. I was a pretty depressed adolescent....but God uses that to help me connect with hurting adolescents today in my job.

I think that young people today are hurting more than ever and I am SO impressed by their level of insight. If you know Codie Cox....you know what I mean....she is in India on a mission trip and wrote the most moving description of her experience there on facebook the other day....and this is from a kid I always pictured as somewhat sheltered......nothing lacking there......and I see it everyday with young people....amazing insight....they see things....we don't give them enough credit. Some of them are throwing their future away or so it seems because or or in spite of their pain and it hurts because there is NOTHING we can do except pray for them and encourage them and let them know we will ALWAYS be there for them. It is really hard for me sometimes being the therapist as I listen to the parent who really wants to be there but then I watch the parent do the very thing that pushes the kid away from them. Sometimes.....with God's guidance....when I am willing to let HIM lead me.....I can help the parent see that they have to back off.....and I can help the kid see that the parent is coming from a place of love....and fear....parents are SOOO afraid that something bad is going to happen to their children....they want desparately to protect their kids.....no one can blame them for that....but the kids don't understand that.....they see it as control and they are determined to live their own lives....they just want to be accepted....they want their parents to affirm them.....believe in them....accept them.....tell them how great they are and how they know they can make good decisions and will have great lives and how they will always love them regardless of any mistake they make. I tell parents that their kids need to hear this and you know what they say....."They know I feel that way." How do they know? TELL THEM!! We all need to hear it.....to see it....and not just once but repeatedly.....there are so many voices out there telling our kids that they are nothing.....be sure you are louder and more frequent....and more loving than those voices.

Listen to me...."our kids." I really feel like they are my kids sometimes....I love them so much. They are impossible NOT to love. I have been going through all the "stuff" here at the house and it has become apparent that I AM like my mother in that I keep EVERYTHING! I have all the notes and cards and drawings that every child has given me. Kids from our church...I feel like they are my family......I have homemade cards from Zac, Erin, Lara, Natalie and Madeline and Aaron that are SOO precious and Christmas cards where the children signed their names as part of the family. I LOVE these kids and I always will....even when they can't remember who I am. It's just the way it is....I guess it is just one of those generational things....ha.

Here is just a few of the kids that I consider mine.....do you recognize any of them?

I believe my purpose is to LOVE them all....even the ones in my office who are mean and disrespectful to me....because they are doing it out of pain....they need to see the love of my savior through me.....to know that HE loves them and HE cares about their pain.....because I don't know their story....and why they are acting that way.....remember adults....kids are disrespectful for a reason....either someone didn't teach them any better or someone disrespected them....either way....YOU are their role model and YOU may be the ONLY JESUS they see....literally. I know....it's hard....easier for me...just one hour in my office....harder for longer periods out in the real world....but we are never doing it alone.

Murphy

Well here we go.....I've never really done this blogging thing before even though I am a committed follower of many others who have inspired me through their writings.....from Roy Lessin and his wonderful 'Meet Me in the Meadow' to the insights of the Gragg boys and checking out the latest pics of Danny, Will and Drew....even though when I would comment on how much I enjoyed them.....Danny stated that he had nothing to do with the postings....so thanks to Suzy P for the GREAT blog.....it is obvious from all my "dot, dot dots" that I am definitely an amateur.

I wanted to start this journey with a tribute to our boy.....Murphy. Most of you who have known Tommy and I for any time at all.....had a chance to meet our Persian kitty. He was the most awesome cat and I say this with absolutely no prejudice at all...lol. We got him when he was just a few weeks old and just a little guy from a breeder in Morganton shortly after Tommy began to have health problems and had to leave his job at the prison. This was really hard for Tommy as most of you can imagine as he was having this intense, unexplained pain and being put through multiple tests by various doctors in an attempt to figure it out. There was a great deal of pressure on us as a couple as the prison still didn't know we were married and I was still working there as a staff psychologist and every day I missed was scrutinized very carefully as I could not be taking a sick day to help take care of Tommy since he was not 'officially' any relationship to me (at least as far as they knew). I remember once they actually took mine and Tommy's leave days and put them next to each other and compared them to make sure their were no days were we were both out sick together.

Anyway.....it was a stressful time and this little fur ball brought a ray of bright sunshine into our lives just when we needed it the most. He was unlike any cat I had ever had and I had had cats all my life. He wanted to be right with you all the time and he crawled up in your lap and talked to you. He did not like to be in another room so he was always by your side which was wonderful company for Tommy there at the house all day. He was a ball of energy but would also take naps with Tommy and they became the best of friends. I still believe he had a lot to do with Tommy's recovery and our ability to move forward when I found the job at Repay and we were therefore able to be open about our marriage as I left the prison.

That little guy was our joy for 10 years as we celebrated birthdays with him and he took vacations with us. He was truly like our child. I know some people with children don't understand but he was part of our everyday life. We had routines with him. He loved ice cream and would come running when he heard the rattle of paper from a ice cream sandwich. He would come and sit behind you or beside you and wait patiently until you took some of the ice cream and put it on your finger and shared with him. He also loved cheese and we would cut Cracker Barrel cheese up into small squares and he would have 3 or 4 for his early morning breakfast when he got up in the morning. He would go upstairs with us to sleep and he would come up to our pillow at night and then go under cover for a while. He had to be between the sheet and comforter but he wouldn't stay long.....and he had to be between me and Tommy.

He didn't like it if Tommy was on one floor and I was on the other. At times when I was on the top floor and Tommy was on the bottom, he would lay at the top of the stairs which was half way in-between us and sometimes he would stand at the top or bottom of the stairs and cry. He did not like to be left alone. Initially when he would travel, we tried leaving him alone....but we arrived back home only to find him without a voice from where he had cried so much and he left us a nice gift as well. He would get real upset also.....as he would come running greeting us before we would even get the door open and things would be knocked over and such. He was just not a cat that could be left alone. So after that, we would take him to someone to watch him or take him with us. He traveled really well as he would just lay on the seat and go to sleep. He just didn't like going from the house to the car but once he was in the car....he was set.

He loved yogurt....he could hear you open a yogurt container a mile away and here he would come....and he would wait until you were finished so he could lick the container. He was so cute. He had these treats he loved....we got them from the health food store....they were for cats but they looked like cardboard....they were chicken treats....he loved them. He also loved to be brushed....and he and I had this routine where every time I would dry my hair...he would come and wait for me to finish and then he wanted to get his "pickin'" time. I have this little pic I would use to comb him. He would sit on my vanity and pur and give me love....I always intended to video tape this routine because I said no one would believe it....but I never did....I also had a cool kit that my mom had bought for us to stamp his paw print on....I recently found it and had to have a good cry.....I have a picture of the murph posing with it at Christmas. Oh the things we put off till tomorrow.

We didn't even know he was sick. Within 24 hours....he went from fine....to dead.....I still look for him....every morning when I get up.....and every night when we go to bed.....when I have ice cream. I miss that little guy SOOO much!

Sometimes I feel guilty for shedding tears over a sweet little cat.....when I know all the pain that others are going through. Today a lady from my church...well I guess we used to go to church together....in fact we used to attend a women's group together.....anyway....she lost her mom today....I feel so bad for her.....I know how hard that is.....to lose your mom.....there is no one that will ever love you like your mom....except God....I miss my mom every day.....it is only through God's grace and with the love of this wonderful man I am married to....that I get through each day.

And then I think about Sara....Kyle Rusnak's wife.....I cannot imagine what she is going through.....to lose your husband at age 27.....to have only had 2 years with him and to have had to watch him suffer and die in that time.....I don't know you Sara.....not personally.....but you are definitely in my prayers.....your husband was an inspiration....the way he approached his life and death....I pray that I can have that kind of courage when it is my time to go....it's easy to say....oh dying is easy but you know....it would be scary....especially if you were going to be facing pain....I think there is part of me that feels very discouraged about Kyle's death.....you know he was diagnosed about the same time that my mom was.....and I remember asking my mom's doctor about the treatment he was receiving and the doctor said my mom was not a candidate for this treatment because it had already spread to other parts of her body. When I had read about the treatment he was receiving....it was so advanced and new....I really thought he would live....he would beat it....he had such a positive attitude too.....you know....the teacher who took his place...it was like she was always just temporary......I don't know....it's like it didn't matter that he had the most advanced treatment.....and that he was only in his 20's....he still couldn't beat this disease.....

Well....this blog has really been uplifting....ha. I really didn't know where it was going but I knew it probably wouldn't be pretty. I have been doing a lot of grieving lately....Tommy's step mom...Judy passed away this past week as well....and the way that situation was handled was really sad....Judy was a wonderful lady....she had Alzheimer's so she is finally free....not only from her own confusion and fear but from the chaos, anger, and bitterness in her life. Just like Kyle....she has her angel's wings. Praise God!

I know that God has a plan and that Jesus has defeated death when he rose on that third day after he gave the ultimate sacrifice for us on the cross.....so we have nothing to fear and need only to trust in HIM. It is just hard living on this earth without our loved ones, but praise God....we WILL see them again someday!!

And I know what the bible says about animals not having souls....but I am SOOO praying that there were be kitties in heaven....:) and there will be NO allergies!! :)

I hope if anyone reads this....I did not depress them......and I hope you tune in next time because I have some BIG news and it is GOOD news!!!

Have a super day!

Deb